The art of the "ask out"

We have all been there. You like somebody but have no idea how they perceive your ass. It probably doesn't help that you are wearing more Ed Hardy shit than a Jersey Shore convention held at Brett Michaels' house. However, if you are wearing normal clothing that cost under $350, it is one of the hardest flip floppest (yes floppest) things you will have to do. Here is what happens, in my case, you see a girl you want to ask out or for a girl a guy to ask out, or in my head a girl for a girl to ask out, whatever you know. This seems to be the craziest hardest part of the whole ordeal. I mean honestly nobody wants to be rejected like Glen Beck at a "I'm not a whiny pussy who thinks people actually like him" convention. It sucks and it has probably happened to most of us, especially this guy. That is why I am going to help you find the path to asking someone out with..... wait for it...... Jeremy's choose your own adventure, ask somebody out amazingness. So I am going to give you three scenarios of asking someone out, you all pick one and vote (voting is in the upper right corner of the page) then I will post what happens with each selection. Why do I get to decide what happens? Well first it's my fucking blog you jerk! Why would you even ask that? The second reason is because I may or may not have already done all of these. I will let you decide :) Also, keep in mind that this is based of the fact that this person already has some clue who you are to an extent. I say this to try to tone down the creepiness in the scenarios, pretty sure you are not falling for that though. You are bright. I mean come on you are reading my blog, you have to be.

Scenario 1: You meet this hot person while you are out with friends, but you just got there and are completely sober and more shy than an albino. (I see albinos as very shy people). Therefore, you decide the only way to ask this girl out is to get completely hammered. That way, even if she says no, you are going to not even remember and still sing Piano Man like it is your god damn job! So good luck, down your Goldschlager and chase it with that Octoberfest because this person is not going anywhere without you at least asking her out.

Scenario 2: You get to know this person, you figure out what they like to do and where they like to hang out. Then you make your self noticeable. You go buy new clothes, you get a haircut, you borrow a friend's puppy, and you actually workout a week before you know you are going to "run into" them. Then after you have their whole schedule you start going to these places too, and you pretend you like the things they like. Then the day she says something to you, you spark a wonderful conversation and at the end cap it off with the whole "would you like to get some coffee?"

Scenario 3: You go out with someone that you like, you both drink to much however you don't know whether they are into you. So you play it smooth the whole night, then the night ends before you know it because you are fucking whiskey drunk and leave your separate ways. You are instantly like what the hell, get pissed at yourself for not asking, therefore you text her out at 2:30 in the morning as you are peeing in an alley.