Mother Matchmaker

Let me start off by saying I love my mother. Am I a momma's boy though? Absolutely not. If I was I would have already fallen into the trap that is my Mother trying to play matchmaker. She lives in Chicago and I live in Cincinnati. There is the first challenge she has to hurdle, but that does not even phase this woman. I know for a fact that she thinks I am doing something wrong because I am 27 and single. So she feels the motherly need to step in and introduce me to the woman of my dreams. Little does she know that I am pretty sure being 27 and single is my own doing. I mean I am not going to lie I can be weird. For fuck sake look at this blog. But that is me, love it or hate it. Also I don't think I have a decent filter for social situations, and god forbid I have been drinking, because nothing is going to stop me at that point. I just use the excuse of "everyone was thinking it and I just said it." Also, I don't really talk to my mom about relationships. This is just because the minute I mention a girl, she thinks she is getting grandchildren within 2 years and a wedding. Insane I tell you. Now this all stemmed from a voicemail I got from my mom around 2:30 yesterday while I was at work. Here is the actually message she left:

Hey Jeremy this is your mother. Listen I am here at the dog park with Delilah and there is a really nice woman here with her dog. She is 34 and very sweet. I am going to tell her about you. Then there is about a 5 second pause You like girls with tattoos right? Alright I will talk to you later. Love ya.

What the hell just happened? How did this call even come about? How the fuck did she know she was 34 and had tattoos? These questions immediately went through my mind. Then the answer hit me. My mom talked to her asked these things, probably told some lies about me and then went over in the corner of the dog park and called me. All while probably staring at this woman. I guarantee she didn't ask if she was married. She might of looked for a ring, but that doesn't mean anything at a dog park. All I know from all of this is one simple thing. If you want to be good enough for her son to date in her eyes. You just have to love dogs and maybe go to the dog park. That's it. That is good enough for her. Apparently it doesn't hurt if you have tattoos either in her mind. Which I give her props for that one!