Running get-up

I really can't even put this picture into words. But from what I have heard this is what she will be wearing when we run in the mornings and the day of the race. Also, those are kettle-bells.

This happens

Many want to know, Jeremy what happens when somebody just pisses you off? It is a plain and simple answer that is also very complicated. Let's just take this "fictional" (maybe) story. This girl throws sand on my shirt one day during volleyball. I pretend I am fine with this action. However, I start scheming in my head how can I get her back for doing this. Then i devise the most complex payback ever. First I need to somehow get her to Sawyer Point by the river. So, I devise a plan to say that I am running in an Urbanathlon, this makes her want to do it as well. Then I tell her we should train and run and jump over shit. I know that she will research where we can do this and it will lead her to one place. Fucking Sawyer Point! Plan in progress. Then I let us train at least 5 times there until one faithful day she lets her guard down while jogging by the river, and then BOOM i pick her ass up and toss her in the Ohio river. This action then leads to her not being able to have children because that water is nasty as shit. It was all a revenge plan that just took months to execute but seconds to plan. Enjoy the taste of diaper, syringe, and urine, for that is what this river is made up of.

Organization of a 65 year old man

So, I thought I would bring up the recent topic that people at work make fun of me for. I have a Monday through Friday pill storage thing. (Have no idea what the proper name is for this) Everyone seems to think this is for old men and women. I respectfully disagree. You know what fuck that I just disagree with no respect. It keeps me organized and helps me to remember to take my damn medicine. You have a checkbook, I have a fucking pill organizer. It's the same damn difference. Plus mine has magnets on the back of it so I can put it on my metal shelf. If that makes me old or a nerd fuck it I am already there anyways. This is the only thing I am semi-organized with in my life, so I am proud. In a couple weeks the pill takage will be reduced to just 2 things. But I will still be using my organizer for it.

Toweling off

A bonus blog for the day. After our runs at Sawyer Point we are usually a sweaty mess. Well where we park is right in front of where a high end salon is. Mostly older mid-crisis aged women. Well I didn't even realize this last time and the shirt was off and i was sweating like Lohan during a church festival. Well without even thinking about it I started to towel myself off only to realize that most of them and their hair dressers were all just looking through the window in shock. I wish i could say it was because I was in amazing shape (just not there yet), i think it was just because there was a man with tattoos in front of their place with his shirt off toweling his chest and back. See figure A.

Wait stop... i think i pulled my left ass cheek

So it was Thursday and that meant time to train for Urbanathlon. Me and Erin ended up going to Sawyer Point again to run around and jump over things and run up and down steps because UC field was being used for practice or some shit. I mean nothing too crazy happened at the beginning. You know the usual ... Erin bitching at me for making her do steps... which is then proceeded by me threatening to throw her in the Ohio River, you know good times. So we finally did all our workout and were heading back to the car when Erin goes... wait, ow ow ow, and I look over and she is limping like she was in Nam' or something. So, in my concerned state asked her, are you ok? In which her response was.. and I quote, "I think i pulled my left ass cheek." After I laughed and got a good core workout from laughing for about 10 minutes. I was like how do you stretch that. I looked everywhere. I checked WebMD and all other health sites and they all had no info on left ass cheek strains. So I had to take matters into my own hands and draw a diagram and send it into multiple health websites and just local Cincinnati doctors to see what they said. I have included the document I provided them to demonstrate where the strain happened. I will keep you all posted to what I hear from them.

Holy Hillbilly

Alright, so this past Saturday I went to a hillbilly party hosted by Nick from the volleyball team. It was a Dukes of Hazard party but pretty sure that just means come as hillbillied up as humanly possible. I think I achieved this feat pretty flawlessly. First I needed Erin to get my a shirt from Goodwill. She picked out a pretty comfortable little piece which we then cut the sleeves off and then some of the bottom of the shirt off too. Then I had to get my beater on, which I purchased. Just that alone was comical, but then I had to put on the shorts. My goal was to make the pockets visible but I think I took it to the next level. I couldn't sit down. It was that bad. I have included a live picture of these glorious man leg exposing shorts. If you look closely you can see the giant PBR in the background. Art bitches. There was also cowboy boots, tied up shirts, some of which contained denim collars. Yeah you heard me correctly, denim collar. To sum up the party me, Erin, and Katie made it. There was a incident where a big fortune teller told me I looked gay. Fuck you giant fortune teller lady. Also another lady tried to rip the shorts of by tugging at the bottom of them. Also, not cool. I need these shorts for when I work on my lawn mower in the front yard ... shit.

Panic in the Streets

I read an article today on Time.com and it really got to me. Apparently there is a massive overpopulation of a specific animal in these United States. What are these animals? God damn Guinea pigs. They are everywhere apparently. So me being the curious cat I am marched down to the Cincinnati Zoo to talk to some experts in this very dangerous field of animals. The expert at the zoo seemed shaken a bit, and went on to discribe his encounter with one of these "Pigs." Apparently the little bastard was on a mini segway and tried to kill him. So I started to research where these horrible animals are coming from and there is only one explanation. NEW GUINEA! This is where they are trained and then shipped to the United States in bulk. All I know is I don't trust them and you shouldn't either. I would also like to thank Dana for giving me the tip on where they are coming from. It really is scary. I don't even know who this "Papua" is, but if he keeps sending new guinea's we are all screwed.

Common Sense

Training time

So training for the urbanathlon Erin and I have signed up for began full force this week. It is going to be crazy! The course is about 9.5 miles and has I believe 6 obstacle course which includes climbing cars, going over monkey bars and running up the steps of Soldier field. In order to train for this event we are going to have to go to parks and obviously jump over statues, go across monkey bars and run up bleachers all while kicking children out of our way. It was be pretty great and no doubt we will kick its ass. I have included a pic of what our training will look like. Erin is jumping over a dolphin statue. Why? Because she can bitch.

Do I want a cig, chips, or a stuffed snake

This blog post was done by a request. Last night Erin, Katie, and myself went out after a hard fought volleyball game to get some food (Dana attended) and then play some darts. First let me start off by discussing our service at the restaurant we went to. Our waitress was horrible and slow, she spent more time "pussy footing" (Dana quote) than actually getting us beer. Strike one bitch. Then she brought out Katie's mashed potatoes. The only description that I can think of to describe the taste was Satan's Chode cheese. Pretty much imagine the grossest thing possible and put fake bacon on it. Anyway, after that mess we headed over to animations in which we participated in a friendly game of darts. Then it happened. We saw the most glorious prize the winner should get if he or she wins. It was positioned perfectly between the Kools and Marlboro lights. No it was not Newports but a god damn stuffed snake! It was amazing and only around $50.00. I mean you could use this thing for whatever your heart desired. I know if I won it I already had plans to hang in from my mirror. Erin would of used it for a hair tie and Katie would of just kept it in her pocket to scare people with it, but not realize it gave her a bulge making her look like she has a penis. I have included a picture of what it looked like in the vending machine as well as a pic of us when we found out it was available for purchase. Enjoy :)

Pippen.

Well I went to Chicago this weekend and we decided to go out on Rush street Saturday night. On the walk from The Tavern on Rush to Enclave (which I was not allowed in because of cargo shorts) we just happen to see Scottie Pippen. As you would expect me and Pip hit it off and are now best friends and we drive around in his Rolls obviously. I was able to get 4 pictures with him. One of which is actually legit and the other 3 are me doing stupid stuff as usual. For example me pretending to guard him. I also asked him if he hated Ron Harper as much as I did. He just looked and me and smirked. I am taking that as a big pip-yes. I have drawn a pic of our encounter. The stick figures are scaled back to show actual height difference (8 inches).