So my mom definitely thinks the reason I am single at this point of my life is solely because of me. She gave me a call Sunday early afternoon to catch up. Now before I get into the talk we had. Let me give you a brief clip of my Friday night.
Me and a friend were heading out to Hofbräuhaus in Newport. This was my first experience of Hofbra and I have heard good things. Now we were meeting my friend's friends. They are a pretty hilarious couple and I am actually helping with his bachelor partying coming up so they wanted me to meet them out because they had a group coming and wanted to introduce me to this girl. Now this is a unique situation because I am helping with the bachelor party of this guy but I have never met them. Therefore, they don't know my personality. Thankfully when I got there they had the same personality as me and we honestly joked about every subject for at least 45 minutes before the rest of the group got there. In walked the girl they were trying to hook me up with. She looked nice and was very pretty. She was also super super thin though. I mean everyone has some sort of type they like, but the types I liked before tend not to like my type apparently so I need to change that. So I decided to just throw the uber skinniness out the window and try to see what her personality is like. Mind you this is already 1.5 steins into the night. So we got to talking mind you half the time we were standing up on the benches singing. This already bodes well for me, as I have the voice of an angel that once banged Whitney Houston. Anyway get to talking to this girl she is very religious (wait for it) and goes on to tell me why she is a virgin (wait for it).. then tells me she hates beer (fucking done). I was like "you do know you are at this giant German place known for beer right?" There is no way our waitress or waiter is going to take you serious when you don't order beer. I wanted to say something to the effects of even the Virgin Mary would order a stein here, but thought she might cry and go throw up or something. Then to make it all come full circle she orders a vodka-diet coke. Weird combo if you ask me. In a related twist I thought it was hilarious that she had no idea that mixed drink is called a skinny bitch. Anyways I actually had a good time and we exchanged numbers i think because I have a number i don't know from that night and the name in the address book is Saraah. Which I am assuming is her minus the extra "a". I don't have the game to get a girls number that is not right next to me and doesn't have daddy issues. OK there is the background :)
So my Mom asks me about my Friday night for some reason. I tell her what i did. I didn't give all the details of course. Like little miss virgin. Mom instantly decides because we are not going out on a date I have offended her somehow. My mom knows me and how i can get with my personality :) I then proceeded to make up stories about dates and how I was a complete asshole to the women, which I would never do (still dateable in my mind), that I go out with. I made one story up about a girl who I went out with last Saturday and she wanted me to go to church with her on Sunday. My mom said that was nice. I told her I excused myself to go to the bathroom and ran out of the restaurant and sped home. She stood silent for about 60 seconds and then said "Jeremy Daniel (insert last name so you don't stalk me if i don't know you)" I have never heard her say my whole name like that. Even when I was an asshole. Moral of the story my mother now thinks I am damaged goods and will probably die alone if I keep up my ways. It's probably best she thinks that way. Her trying to hook me up at the dog park is starting to get old.
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