Jesus gave me water

So your typical Saturday came around and I decided to work out. So i went to a 10:30 spin class and did that magical workout on a bike. After Erin and I finished up spin. We decided to get food, we barely discussed maybe getting bottomless mimosa's. She said give Katie a call and see if she wants to meet up with us and get food. So I called Katie and I think her exact words were "Yeah, I am starving. Where you thinking mimosa's? Fucking read our mind. Place was nice and had a live band that day which I thoroughly enjoyed. Little violin, cello, and acoustic guitar can't go wrong to me. Now I am not sure how many of the little decanters of mimosa's we had but it was a lot. I heard at least 3 corks pop from the champagne. One of which flying and almost hitting some people at the table (hilarious). Now fast forward I don't know 5 hours. None of us could drive and it was pretty nice out, so we decided to take a little stroll back to our respected humble abodes. How far we walked is a blur to me, but i think we figured something like over 3 miles. Here is a list of things we did on this walk of no fucking shame at all.

• At the beginning of the walk it was hot thankfully a lady left out some jesus water for us to partake in. I could taste the jesus. (see included pic)

• We found three chairs off the side of the road across from the police station. You would think this would detour us from doing anything crazy. Nope, we tip each other over in the chairs. I put mulch on Erin to make her one with nature. Katie contemplated stealing a birdhouse she saw. (Keep in mind police station in view across the street) Once we picked ourselves up we began to travel again.

• As we were walking we found an open area of grass. Normally when walking home after drinking that much you would think let's just get home and pass out. Nope one person did a kart wheel then the other would try. Then i did some sort of flop thing and landed on my side. This somehow turned into each of us attempting to do a handstand. I think all of us failed and we all have to bruises to prove it.

• When then passed a UDF. At this point the magic Jesus water had worn off so we were quenched and decided stop for malts, cherry cordial sundae, and an issue of cosmo happily purchased by Erin. She found out 6 new ways to get him to buy you shit I think.
  

• After the UDF we proceed to walk about 7 steps and hopped into Dutch's to do wha telse?? Drink some beer. So we each had a beer, Erin had a glass of wine, and we chased it with our delicious UDF drinks. How we have not thrown up at this point is amazing. I think that was broken soon after. The bartender wanted the girls the try his goetta balls. He sort of skipped me. I think he was in love because they were drunk, eating ice cream, and reading cosmo. Every man's dream.
  

• We actually all proceeded to walk home after that and split up. I went down my street to my place which felt like it took at least 24 hours to get to because i was drunk and had no one to talk to. Katie and Erin apparently tried to hop in a apartment complex pool but there was people there. I would have still cannonballed in then got out and gentlemanly nod slowly walking away in the sunset. But hey that is just me :)
  

I think we learned a lot that day. I know I learned I want to at least do this every two months now :)

Blackout Part Deux -- B-day blackness

So the day came, my birthday, after 28 years it becomes less important each year and the countdown to 30 begins. This year I knew I wanted it to be sort of chill and just a night to sit out and have some beers. Who the fuck was I kidding. It started out like that, we went to Dutch's and I ordered a Dead guy. Right then at that moment I knew shit would be spinning in less than 3 hours. So we were there for a little bit. I got a pumpkin pie which is my fav and a gift from a friend you might have seen it in the preview. It was a book about exercises you can do as a gentlemen in a suit and you better god damn believe I am a gentleman **nod** (slight curtsy as well). After this amazingness happened and we did some exercises in Dutch's like pretend sponge bathes and whatnot we headed over to Animations where the shit show began.

At this point in the evening I have a hard time remembering all that happened so I will give the time line I think happened and fill in the blanks with amazing things.

10:00 pm - Beer is ordered and i start my sipping not feeling too bad right now

10:15 pm - Someone gets me my first shot of goldschlager FML

10:15:20 pm - Shot gone Jeremy starts to feel warm

10:20 pm - Another shot of goldschlager comes and I drink the shit out of it

10:21 pm - I think another comes, I slam it harder than ... (I am a gentleman again I won't use the 2,463,764 analogies of Paris Hilton/Kardasian I am thinking of **Nod**)

10:22-??? - At this point time is not being recorded by my brain I have taken multiple shots of Goldschlager drank some high alcohol content of beer and things start to get real

Guessing around 10:45 - Everyone is having a good time and laughing exactly what I wanted for my b-day.... while they converse I sneak off and read a couple pages of my new book, do some hand grasps exercises and lunges then head back to join the group.

11:00 pm - Someone buys me a can of fat cat beer, the beer that tastes like raisins I drink a quarter of it and almost go into shock and pass out. I then think it's a good idea to drink a shot of goldschlager and chase it with fat cat. Thus, making the now infamous cinnamon raisin bagel shot.

11:10ish pm - Seriously at this point i am just making up times no idea where I am at, how much I have drank and if I am still wearing pants at this point

11:20 pm - Tell embarrassing story about my ex in Chicago, then this is hazy and someone might need to confirm but I am pretty sure I did the defibrillator (best dance move evaaaa) and then some sort of Wayne's World thrust swaawing movement

11:30 pm - Another double of goldschlager is ordered I have no desire to drink it, everyone starts banging on the table yelling whiskers, I fall for this tactic drink the shot and then head out to the bushes on the side of the building... like a boss.

11:35 pm on - I get home safely go inside my house and think that I am going to die. I try to watch a movie but just feel sick and dead. Texts were sent to plenty of people and I don't even want to repeat what was said in some of them. But I think the night was a complete success and I am glad the people who came, came and everyone had fun. It was suppose to be a chill night... yeah fucking right, Goldschlager is a little bitch and she does not do chill.

Blackout Part Deux (B-day) -- Morning Preview

This should help you see where this blog entry is going to go later today.

Derby Day (Blackout #1)

So it was Derby Day and I was going to a party to support some local Buddhists I know. I arrived at this party without Goldschlager which was on purpose. (Side note: As I was just writing that sentence I tried to figure out why I like this liquor so much and have no clue, I guess I blame Cinnamon Toast Crunch???) So the party goes well and it was a lot of fun. Money was raised for a good cause and there was beer. Pretty successful day if you ask me. Then for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to go to my place and get the Goldschlager that was in my freezer. Why the hell did I have to live this close to the party? Also as a precursor to this I brought a beer bong and bonged a couple of beers. That won't get me blackout but it was def. helping open the door to wonderful blackout land. So I show back up with it and things went downhill fast. For god sakes I had a damn recipe book for things to make with goldschlager this night can not end well. The next thing i remember is taking a shot with tobasco sauce and another with amaretto. Finally, I chased that shit with a strawberry. So you guessed it. I am completely gone at this point. I then got locked out! I had to stand in the rain and give puppy dog faces in the door for someone to let me in! Overall, it was a good night for me! Not so much for my friend.

Time to catch up

Shit has happened in May and I didn't have time to post it. So tomorrow and the next few days I will walk you through exactly what happened. 90% of these stories include Goldschlager. I am not going to bother to have someone help me piece together the nights. I am going to tell it like I remember it. Enjoy.

Erin's B-day

One of my many talents is predicting the future. So on behalf of Erin's birthday I have decided to use my paint skills and predict what this time next year has in store for her. Happy birthday Erin and try to lay off the red-line. Also, please don't attempt to toss me into the Ohio.

~Jeremy :)

And....you're welcome

This I think is a good guide to follow.