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I have had writers block for some time now. I have no idea what to write about. I was just going to tell a joke about my penis, but it was too long. BOOM.

How Jeremy works.

I am a weird person. There, I said it. Whew that felt good. Actually, I don't give a shit. If you know me you already knew I was a little weird, and if you still put up with me then I call you a friend. I don't do shit the conventional way at all. Some people will try to give me shit for it but I truly from the bottom of my heart don't give two or even three fucks. So prime example of my weirdness is to like somebody that probably has no interest in me. It happens to us all, me more often than not. But then a weird thing happens and all of a sudden the person drunkenly admits that she likes me back. Now what do I do? I question the whole damn thing because of how weird she was acting (not to mention flaky in the past). That is weird of me and also weird of her. I guess i am just attracted to weird or what i call unique people. I have been on dates with women who are completely normal and very nice, and actually like me. But guess what that was our first date, I was putting on a front and not really being me. If i was being me odds are she would of been sort of offended within 15 minutes of sitting down at our table. Think I would be myself more on the second date? Nope, totally acted decently normal and did all the right things you read about in books. Wait.... did i just give away the secret I have read books about dating... fuck. Well again I plead to the weirdness. The moral of this post is that if you want to know how the hell i operate in my crazy ass head... don't. I don't even really know half the time. I am a true go with the flow guy who tries to find structure in places that are well...weird.

**Side note - This is no joke, while writing this blog I had a piece of gum in my mouth and something went down the wrong pipe making me cough shooting my gum onto my screen. I am bringing sexy back**

This is probably one of many posts in which I plan to rant a little. Deal. :)

Somebody's Birthday

So somebody's birthday is coming up here soon. Now I don't want to just go out there and say whose birthday it is. But I will give you two clues to try to figure out who it is in the picture.

Clue 1: They may or may not have a giant red circle around them.

Clue 2: They have balls on their hip.

Valentines Day

There is only one way I know how to show my emotions. That is through microsoft paint... and also probably when I am drunk. Thus, I made this Valentines Day card. If you decide to use it on your loved ones. Please enclose a check for at least $2.50 and send it to me.

Much love,

Jeremy

Jeremy's guide to relationships you shouldn't be in. (Part 1)

I am currently working on my newest blog of advice. Jeremy's guide to relationships that you should not be in. That was in the subject of the blog so not sure why i re-typed that. Anyways.... I will break down what happens when you stick to a relationship that is pure torture. It happens to everyone, shit I stuck around in all of mine for way longer than i should have. I will also incorporate things to say to kill the relationship. Of course this will all be geared towards the man's point of view. But in all honesty I can't give it from the women's point of view. You guys are too fucking crazy to even try to put into words or even try to figure out what you are thinking. If I don't learn it from Maxim, I don't know how it works and Maxim has too many pictures for me to read everything.

World Cancer Day

Today is World Cancer day. It's a passion of mine to hate it. Too many people I have known have either passed away from it or have dealt with it in their lives, myself included. In light of the upcoming Superbowl and to put it in sport terms I have came up with the following.

• If cancer played in the NFL it would be Ray Lewis because it kills people and continues to play

Live Like You're Dying?

We hear this a lot. Whether it's in songs or movies or just somebody giving you advice. I don't like this saying at all. I mean i get the point. Treat each and every day like it's your last. Do we really need a reason to live though? Of course we do. Does it need to be death? Absolutely not. Now I understand this is not my normal blog topic, but for some reason I decided to blog about it today. Maybe it was because I have felt like death the past two days. Maybe it's because there have been times where I got news where I thought i was going to die before I was 25. My advice is plan and simple, Live like you're living. There are hundreds of things that are out there that are worth living for and the beauty of it is that it's different for everyone. So fucking go for it. Go balls out. You want to own your own business do it. You want to become a professional zookeeper more power to you. (Also if you are female and doing this call me) Here is a small list of 10 things I think are worth living for.

1. The sweet torque of a perfectly thrown ball: curve, foot-,bowling, it doesn't really matter.
   
2. Your favorite band's next tour. Why the hell didn't I go last time?
3. The new things: People, Places, Tastes, Profanities you have not tried like "Asshat", Gadgets, cars, and things that grab your imagination, even fleetingly, and make you want more.
   
4. The surprise of receiving something unsolicited from a woman.
5. Movies.
6. Sex.
   
7. Midsummer, when you can pretty much cook out every fucking day.
   
8. Novels that are 100 times better than the movie.
9. The morning after uninterrupted sleep.
10. Sticking around to stick it to your nay sayers (screw them!)